Monday, 6 September 2010

Sunday thoughts teach me a lot

During the course of Sunday I spent a lot of time thinking. I was making Christmas cards ready to write and prepare for posting next month so I was sitting half listening to Radio 7 and quarter concentrating on sticking and glittering. That left a space for just thinking.

I realised that I was editing my LSNED daily sentences so that they were not too revealing about my present state of mind. I was, in fact, searching for something suitable to "learn" that could be written about while the actual lesson of the day was probably mostly something I didn't want anyone else to read.

The train of thought travelled on and I then realised that if I wanted to keep this year's journal just for my eyes then all I had to do was complete it and then put it in the Special Place. Once this thought had arrived in my brain I felt the enthusiasm for the project roll over me in a great wave.

Now I realise why I didn't finish it last year, I wanted so much to write about the emotional stuff I was learning but couldn't let go enough to allow it to be public. So my lesson is that my LSNED journal is MINE. I claim ownership of it and all the lessons in it. If I want to share that lesson with a few people I can do this but if it is just too personal to share with anyone I can keep it to myself.

I can honestly say that this is a HUGE revelation for me, and is possibly a huge step forward in my progress towards being me again.

So there we have it, some days you'll get the lesson learnt in all its glory and on other days you'll get the "Normal Service will be Resumed as soon as Possible" sign - or a picture of one of my pages, whichever is closest to hand.

here's one to be going on with


Sian said...

Interesting post - with a good point very well made.

Anonymous said...

Yes indeed, I agree with Sian! I've also been wrestling with feelings that I couldn't quite reveal to anyone.. but then when I confided in my hubby I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders.

Your journal is for YOU.. and if you choose to keep parts (or all!) of it private, that's absolutely fine! :)

Ladkyis said...

It seems so obvious now but until I thought about it.... I hadn't thought about it, if you see what I mean.
Taking control in that simple way really has made the sky much bluer. Even though it is pouring with rain.